WHAT MODERN EVANGELICALS CAN LEARN FROM THE MARRIAGE OF MARTIN LUTHER

“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship,
communion or company than a good marriage.”

Martin Luther

Modern evangelicals can learn a lot from the marriage of Martin Luther and Katharina von Bora. At a time when women were subjugated and demeaned, “Katy,” as Luther called her, played a leading role in the Luther household with Luther often referring to her as "Lord Katy." She handled all the finances and business dealings of their large household, leaving Luther free to write and teach. There was also an amazing affection and mutual respect expressed in their marriage relationship.

Luther initially had no intention of ever marrying. As a monk and a priest, he had taken a vow of celibacy. But even after renouncing his vow he still did not expect to marry, for his condemnation as a heretic by the pope and emperor, meant that death could always be lurking just around the corner.

A Wife Finds Luther

Things began to change when he received a letter from a nun in a convent who had read his writings. She explained that she and others were ready to leave the convent but needed advice on how to proceed, since leaving a convent and breaking the monastic vow was illegal and punishable by death.

Luther arranged for a merchant, who delivered fish to the convent, to smuggle them out—twelve in all—in or around the fish barrels in his covered wagon. They were brought to Wittenberg where their arrival cause quite a stir. A local student in the university, wrote to a friend, “A wagon load of vestal virgins just came to town, all more eager for marriage than for life. God grant them husbands lest worse befall."

Over time Luther helped each one find a husband or a vocation except one, Katharina von Bora, the one who had written the letter. Of a feisty and assertive character, Katharina publicly stated that there were only two men she was interested in marrying, Nicholas von Almsdorf or Martin Luther. When Almsdorf declined the offer, Luther decided to accept it.

The Roman Church was furious with Luther for telling priests, monks and nuns that they were free to renounce their vows of celibacy and marry, if they so desired. Also, Luther’s father had expressed hope that Luther would marry and produce offspring that would carry on the Lutheran name. This was the context in which Luther, with tongue in cheek, stated that he decided to marry because it would “please my father, rile the pope, cause angels to laugh, and devils to weep.”

Luther and Katharina, whom he called “Kate” or “Katy,” were married on June 13, 1525. He was 41 and she was 26. He wrote to a friend, "Suddenly, and while I was occupied with far other thoughts, the Lord has plunged me into marriage." 

Luther was obviously very happy in his marriage and in later life wrote,

I would not want to exchange my Kate for France nor for Venice to boot; to begin with (1) because God has given her to me and me to her; (2) because I often find out that there are more shortcomings in other women than in my Kate; and although she, of course, has some too, these are nonetheless offset by far greater virtues; (3) because she keeps faith and honor in our marriage relation.

Katy’s Role in the Lutheran Household

Katy has been described as "healthy, strong, frank, intelligent and high-minded." She managed the Lutheran household, which included their own six children, four cousins, an aunt, 25 or more students who boarded with them, servants and a constant stream of visitors. One of Luther’s colleagues said he had seen as many as 100 people at the Lutheran home for a meal.

Katy managed everything, including the finances. She raised livestock and chickens. She had an extensive garden, or farm, all used for feeding her extensive household. She was a good manager and able to procure enough money to purchase her brother’s part in the family estate known as Zulsdorf, which she also managed.

Luther related to Katy both respectfully and affectionately. In his letters he referred to her as “my dearest” and himself as “your loved one.” Because of her leading role in the household, he often referred to her as “herr” Katy, “herr” being a German word of respect meaning “lord” or “master.” He also referred to her as “Moses” and at times signed his letters (I am sure all in fun), “your willing servant.”

He also used the word “Lady” in referring to her, which was a civil term of respect for a woman of nobility, influence and authority. One can see his playful humor in some of the titles he gave her. For example, because of her business and farming skills, he sometimes called her “Lady of the Pig Market.” Because she spent so much time at her family estate he called her “Lady of Zulsdorf and because she was continually giving him home remedies for his many illnesses he called her “Lady Doctor.”

They obviously had their differences, but Luther never tried to pull rank or set up a marriage hierarchy. He once said,

Oh, how smoothly things move on when man and wife sit lovingly at table! Though they have their little bickerings now and then, they must not mind that. Put up with it!”

Luther & His Children

Katy bore six children, three boys and three girls. Luther took great joy in both Katy and the children. When he was away from home, the children would write letters to him and he would bring little gifts for them when he returned. His family was obviously a solace in the midst of his stormy life as a Reformer.

Two daughters died young, one at seven months and the other, Magdalene, at 13 years of age. The death of Magdalene, called Lena by her family, was particularly difficult for Luther who enjoyed her company and often “made merry” with her.

When it seemed obvious that death was nearing, Luther asked, “My dear Lena, are you willing to leave your earthly father and go to your heavenly father?” She replied, “Yes, dear father, just as God wills.”

On the night of her death, a friend observed Luther kneeling by her bed weeping and pleading with God to spare her life. She died in his arms.

Speaking of the joy of knowing she was with Jesus, Luther said, “I am rejoicing in the spirit but I am very sad according to the flesh.” At the funeral, as they laid her body in the coffin, Luther stated that it was well with his beloved daughter and that she would rise again. He then was overcome with sobbing.

Luther Valued Partnership in Marriage

Luther’s attitude toward marriage was a large step forward from that of the medieval period, and he and Katy deserve credit for this. His rejection of celibacy as a requirement for ordination undermined the medieval idea that women are sinister and unclean and detrimental to a life committed to God.

Although Luther held to the traditional idea of the woman as the weaker vessel, he was too aware of human deficiency, including his own, to talk about male superiority. The Lutheran scholar, Martin Brecht, says, “The marriage partners seemed to him to be equal.”

Luther, indeed, warned against either partner seeking dominance, saying,

It is foolish for a man to want to demonstrate his masculine power and heroic strength by ruling over his wife. On the other hand, the ambition of wives to dominate the home is also intolerable.

Luther and Katy functioned according to their gifts. She obviously was a good manager and administrator, and he admitted that he wasn’t. Her management of the household left him free do that for which he was called and gifted. They functioned according to their gifts, not their gender.

Coming Out of the Dark Ages

This was a large step forward, for in the Middle Ages women were, for the most part, looked upon as sex objects and servants of men. The great African church father, Augustine, had taught in the fifth century that the woman does not bear the image of God apart from the man. The man bears the image of God in himself alone, Augustine said, but the woman only when she is related to the man.

In explaining the meaning of the word “helper” in Genesis 2:18, Augustine surmised that the woman could not be a helper in physical and manual labor since a man would be a better help. And when it comes to fellowship and dialogue, Augustine insisted that a man’s companionship is preferable to that of a woman. He concluded that the only way the woman is a “helper” to man is in bearing children and helping him perpetuate the human race.

This sort of thinking resulted in women being treated as children and slaves. It resulted in wife beating being approved in some sectors of the church. Dr. Susan Hyatt has documented these terrible conditions for women in her book, In the Spirit We’re Equal.

Conclusion

Luther’s marriage to Katy was, therefore, a wonderful departure from that way of thinking. He and Katy rescued marriage from the abominable state into which it had fallen. Although the marriage was not perfect, it was a remarkable advance and provided an excellent model for ministers of the emerging Reformation who were now allowed to enter into marriage.

Their marriage is also a good model for modern evangelicalism where gender determined roles have too often been emphasized to the ignoring of individual gifts and personalities. Some have even taught that a wife cannot handle the money because whoever controls the money, they say, controls the relationship, and the man, they insist, is to control the relationship.

Such an approach to marriage is a regression past Luther and back to the Middle Ages. Let’s take a lesson from Martin and Katy and walk in the three characteristics that made their marriage a success: (1) mutual love, (2) mutual respect, and (3) mutual recognition and respect for each other's gifts and weaknesses. If we do this, perhaps we can say with Luther, “There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company than a good marriage.” 

This article is derived from Eddie Hyatt's latest book, The Charismatic Luther, available from Amazon and his website at www.eddiehyatt.com.