“There is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship,
communion or company than a good marriage.”
Martin Luther
Modern evangelicals can learn a lot from the marriage
of Martin Luther and Katharina von Bora. At a time when women were subjugated and demeaned,
“Katy,” as Luther called her, played a leading role in the Luther household with Luther often referring to her as "Lord Katy." She handled all the finances and business dealings of their large household, leaving Luther free to write and teach. There was also an amazing affection and mutual respect expressed in their marriage relationship.
Luther
initially had no intention of ever marrying. As a monk and a priest, he had
taken a vow of celibacy. But even after renouncing his vow he still did not expect
to marry, for his condemnation as a heretic by the pope and emperor, meant that death could always be lurking just around the corner.
A Wife Finds Luther
Things
began to change when he received a letter from a nun in a convent who had read
his writings. She explained that she and others were ready to leave the convent
but needed advice on how to proceed, since leaving a convent and breaking the
monastic vow was illegal and punishable by death.
Luther
arranged for a merchant, who delivered fish to the convent, to smuggle them
out—twelve in all—in or around the fish barrels in his covered wagon. They were
brought to Wittenberg where their arrival cause quite a stir. A local student
in the university, wrote to a friend, “A wagon load of vestal virgins just came to town, all more eager for
marriage than for life. God grant them husbands lest worse
befall."
Over
time Luther helped each one find a husband or a vocation except one, Katharina
von Bora, the one who had written the letter. Of a feisty and assertive
character, Katharina publicly stated that there were only two men she was
interested in marrying, Nicholas von Almsdorf or Martin Luther. When Almsdorf
declined the offer, Luther decided to accept it.
The
Roman Church was furious with Luther for telling priests, monks and nuns that they
were free to renounce their vows of celibacy and marry, if they so desired. Also,
Luther’s father had expressed hope that Luther would marry and produce
offspring that would carry on the Lutheran name. This was the context in which
Luther, with tongue in cheek, stated that he decided to marry because it would
“please my father, rile the pope, cause angels to laugh, and devils to weep.”
Luther and Katharina, whom he called “Kate” or “Katy,” were
married on June 13, 1525. He was 41 and she was 26. He wrote to a friend, "Suddenly, and while I was occupied with far other thoughts, the Lord has plunged me into marriage."
Luther was obviously very happy in his marriage
and in later life wrote,
I would not
want to exchange my Kate for France nor for Venice to boot; to begin with (1)
because God has given her to me and me to her; (2) because I often find out
that there are more shortcomings in other women than in my Kate; and although
she, of course, has some too, these are nonetheless offset by far greater
virtues; (3) because she keeps faith and honor in our marriage relation.
Katy’s Role in the Lutheran
Household
Katy
has been described as "healthy, strong, frank, intelligent
and high-minded." She managed the Lutheran household, which included their
own six children, four cousins, an aunt, 25 or more students who boarded with
them, servants and a constant stream of visitors. One of Luther’s colleagues
said he had seen as many as 100 people at the Lutheran home for a meal.
Katy managed everything, including the finances. She raised
livestock and chickens. She had an extensive garden, or farm, all used for
feeding her extensive household. She was a good manager and able to procure
enough money to purchase her brother’s part in the family estate known as
Zulsdorf, which she also managed.
Luther
related to Katy both respectfully and affectionately. In his letters he
referred to her as “my dearest” and himself as “your loved one.” Because of her
leading role in the household, he often referred to her as “herr” Katy, “herr”
being a German word of respect meaning “lord” or “master.” He also referred to
her as “Moses” and at times signed his letters (I am sure all in fun), “your
willing servant.”
He
also used the word “Lady” in referring to her, which was a civil term of respect
for a woman of nobility, influence and authority. One can see his playful humor
in some of the titles he gave her. For example, because of her business and
farming skills, he sometimes called her “Lady of the Pig Market.” Because she
spent so much time at her family estate he called her “Lady of Zulsdorf and because
she was continually giving him home remedies for his many illnesses he called
her “Lady Doctor.”
They
obviously had their differences, but Luther never tried to pull rank or set up
a marriage hierarchy. He once said,
Oh, how smoothly things move on when man and wife sit lovingly
at table! Though they have their little bickerings now and then, they must not
mind that. Put up with it!”
Luther & His
Children
Katy
bore six children, three boys and three girls. Luther took great joy in both
Katy and the children. When he was away from home, the children would write
letters to him and he would bring little gifts for them when he returned. His
family was obviously a solace in the midst of his stormy life as a Reformer.
Two
daughters died young, one at seven months and the other, Magdalene, at 13 years
of age. The death of Magdalene, called Lena by her family, was particularly
difficult for Luther who enjoyed her company and often “made merry” with her.
When
it seemed obvious that death was nearing, Luther asked, “My dear Lena, are you
willing to leave your earthly father and go to your heavenly father?” She
replied, “Yes, dear father, just as God wills.”
On
the night of her death, a friend observed Luther kneeling by her bed weeping
and pleading with God to spare her life. She died in his arms.
Speaking
of the joy of knowing she was with Jesus, Luther said, “I am rejoicing in the
spirit but I am very sad according to the flesh.” At the funeral, as they laid
her body in the coffin, Luther stated that it was well with his beloved
daughter and that she would rise again. He then was overcome with sobbing.
Luther Valued
Partnership in Marriage
Luther’s
attitude toward marriage was a large step forward from that of the medieval
period, and he and Katy deserve credit for this. His rejection of celibacy as a
requirement for ordination undermined the medieval idea that women are sinister
and unclean and detrimental to a life committed to God.
Although
Luther held to the traditional idea of the woman as the weaker vessel, he was too
aware of human deficiency, including his own, to talk about male superiority. The
Lutheran scholar, Martin Brecht, says, “The marriage partners seemed to him to
be equal.”
Luther,
indeed, warned against either partner seeking dominance, saying,
It is foolish
for a man to want to demonstrate his masculine power and heroic strength by
ruling over his wife. On the other hand, the ambition of wives to dominate the
home is also intolerable.
Luther
and Katy functioned according to their gifts. She obviously was a good manager
and administrator, and he admitted that he wasn’t. Her management of the household
left him free do that for which he was called and gifted. They functioned
according to their gifts, not their gender.
Coming Out of the Dark
Ages
This
was a large step forward, for in the Middle Ages women were, for the most part,
looked upon as sex objects and servants of men. The great African church
father, Augustine, had taught in the fifth century that the woman does not
bear the image of God apart from the man. The man bears the image of God in
himself alone, Augustine said, but the woman only when she is related to the
man.
In
explaining the meaning of the word “helper” in Genesis 2:18, Augustine surmised
that the woman could not be a helper in physical and manual labor since a man
would be a better help. And when it comes to fellowship and dialogue, Augustine
insisted that a man’s companionship is preferable to that of a woman. He
concluded that the only way the woman is a “helper” to man is in bearing
children and helping him perpetuate the human race.
This
sort of thinking resulted in women being treated as children and slaves. It
resulted in wife beating being approved in some sectors of the church. Dr.
Susan Hyatt has documented these terrible conditions for women in her book, In the Spirit We’re Equal.
Conclusion
Luther’s
marriage to Katy was, therefore, a wonderful departure from that way of
thinking. He and Katy rescued marriage from the abominable state into which it
had fallen. Although the marriage was not perfect, it was a remarkable advance
and provided an excellent model for ministers of the emerging Reformation who were now allowed to enter into marriage.
Their
marriage is also a good model for modern evangelicalism where gender determined
roles have too often been emphasized to the ignoring of individual gifts and
personalities. Some have even taught that a wife cannot handle the money
because whoever controls the money, they say, controls the relationship, and
the man, they insist, is to control the relationship.
Such
an approach to marriage is a regression past Luther and back to the Middle
Ages. Let’s take a lesson from Martin and Katy and walk in the three characteristics that made their marriage a success: (1) mutual love, (2) mutual respect, and (3) mutual recognition and respect for each other's gifts and weaknesses. If we do this, perhaps we can say with Luther, “There
is no more lovely, friendly and charming relationship, communion or company
than a good marriage.”
